I’m finding it really hard not to go off people.
I guess it really gets harder when you are in a city and even the way people drive is uncaring and unthinking.
How do you decide that people can actually be nice or do nice things for others and NOT expect anything back for it?
I wonder if it is my lessons with the horror of codependency, or the exposure to on all the divorce support forums as to how common sudden spouse abandonment is, and my parents divorce, that has skewed my perception of this.
I keep finding myself befriending people who eventually expose their selfishness in some or other manner and hide it behind “Nice Guy Syndrome”. It seems to be viral.
My entire life I’ve ended up holding onto only a small selection of close friends. I’ve lost all but one or two of them in the last couple of years.
One of the weaknesses of my Myers Briggs personality type, is the potential to end up cynical about people. I can see why.
For some reason I keep meeting the “angries” lately. Ugh! Is this what I am attracting at the moment?
I really need to decide to let someone closer, but it’s the last thing I have any motivation to do. The person I let closest not only cut me the deepest but also turned out to be a total stranger.
There are days when I want to hermit from the world and days when I go out and socialise, and even have fun, but it feels superficial most of the time.
I never enjoyed or appreciated small talk, and even though I now understand its value, it still feels false and I have no interest in arguing or debating anything nowadays because it seems to serve no purpose other than to maintain boundaries.
Is there such a thing as someone who doesn’t argue AND who isn’t conflict-avoidant? Is there someone in the world who is easy going AND isn’t building up hidden resentment?
Can the logic table for this predicate language be completed?
I suspect cynical and analytical go hand in hand, but the latter is an intricate part of who I am, even if it has dulled lately.
So here I am dancing all sorts of dances to the world’s music and changing the steps from time to time, but the people don’t change. I’m just more aware of their hidden steps, which I am trying hard to ignore or relearn.
This comes from a link I provided in an earlier post:-
The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions.
Maybe this is why I will never understand! It’s definitely why I continue to revisit it. Maybe it’s the driver behind cynicism. How I wish I could just decide not to be.
This also hits home:-
Another challenge for the INTJ is their tendency to be misunderstood. Often lost in thought, the INTJ may seem aloof or uncaring when, in fact, they are simply focusing on the powerful stream of information constantly barraging their imagination. And because the INTJ is skeptical of whether others can accept or understand this intricate inner world, they mayhesitate to share it with others until their trust has been earned. The INTJ, in relationships, is often skeptically searching for that rare person that they feel safe bringing into their vision due to a foundation of underlying shared worldview elements.
All of these factors can make it difficult for the INTJ, to make deep connections. When someone does manage to breach these barriers, however, and gain access to the INTJ’s inner world, it can be an exhilarating experience for the INTJ. Deep down, the INTJ often longs to share these aspects of themselves with others and, when they finally feel comfortable todo so, can form close bonds.
Close but one sided! Ugh. Time time time and more TIME TIME TIME TIME!
I guess since the INTJ, is only 1% of the population, and mostly male, I should understand why there are only a few people I want close.
There, I answered my own question.
I think I need to dream about my impending Zanzibar trip to lift my mood. Thankfully these feelings are transient. I wish they would go away completely already, but my mind never stops!
